An Idle Brain Is The Devil's Workshop

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You’ll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth saving
Then you better start swimmin' or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'

- Bob Dylan

I am struggling to wake up and go to work every morning. I am struggling to make it through the day and produce anything of value. I am struggling to even know what's important to work on in the first place. I am struggling to trust my high level leadership. I'm drowning.

There's Something Happening Here

As someone who has never experienced it before, it is peculiar to see 300 employees laid off, others dropping like flies by their own choice, and especially worrisome to see multiple folks at the senior vice president level leaving. At my previous employers (startups) this would most certainly foretell certain doom for the company. But my peers who have worked here for a while or at other larger companies say "This is normal. You'll get used to it.". Well it doesn't fucking feel normal to me. Surviorship bias is rampant.

Idle Brain

When I'm not busy coding, being challenged, or fully utilized then my brain wanders into "brand" damaging territory. My peers talk about "maintaining your personal brand" a lot. You have to play some masterful political game to get your opinion heard at such a large company. It sucks and I suck at it. So I ask tough questions. I challenge the status quo. Simply because I'm so bored that there is nothing else to think about. This is miserable and never yields any results so I am miserable.

What do I do?

How am I supposed to continue my day-to-day work in the face of such uncertainty? For all I know my project may be axed or replaced with an off-the-shelf solution tomorrow. Hell, it probably should be replaced. Ticketing is a solved problem. I'm not sure why we decided it was best to build our own complicated mess. Zoho Desk looks pretty great to me.

Acceptance

Somebody once showed me this happiness flow chart at my first job. I love this image.

happiness

I must change something.

Show Comments